


99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

by theothardus



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alcohol, Bars and Pubs, Beer, Bonfires, Brothels, Drinking, First Time, Gen, References to Underage Drinking, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 15:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theothardus/pseuds/theothardus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward's few accounts of alcohol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ale

**Author's Note:**

> I just thought it would be fun to right something like this; beer gave me inspiration. ;D It's just a short little drabble; I plan to add more, though, as a collection of fics, if you will. And yes, the drinking age for Amestris will be 18.

"Drink up, kid," said Darius, gruffly, pushing a glass of sloshing liquor in Ed's direction.

A pungent aroma of malted barley and yeast crept up the alchemist's nostrils, putting him to the realization that the thick, foaming fluid was beer.

"No thanks," Edward scoffed, looking the other way.

Darius pushed further. "Trust me."

He then glanced to the other side of the bar, where Greed was surrounded by giggling brothel-workers, wearing that shit-eating, cocky grin of his as his greedy hands wandered over their hips and thighs.

 _Pervert,_ he grumbled to himself.

The chimera looked back at Ed. "You'll need it if you're dealing with Greed when we leave. Which probably won't be anytime soon."

Edward glanced back to Greed, a disgruntled look on his face, knowing without a doubt that Ling was enjoying the attention, too. Bastards like them and Colonel Fuckface should be dropped on a deserted island and left for dead. How on Earth could they oogle women and get shitfaced when the Day of Reckoning was almost here?

"Fine," Edward budged, swiping the glass from Mr. Gorilla's hand.

He stared down at his drink, swishing it around a bit. He never drank alcohol in his life, and with all that was always on his mind, like getting Al's body back, he didn't plan to. Ed observed the pub, from a group of laughing, jolly men taking shots at a table, to a brothel-worker escourting some guy to a room in the back, to his travel companions, Ed himself sitting at the bar counter on a stool, the two sitting next to him taking reserved sips of their beer and the third companion very believably getting some tonight. Damn it, everything about their wasted time at this damn pub was pissing Edward off. At least they served food, which he was sure to endulge in.

Finally, Ed brought the rim of the glass to his lips, taking a small, slow sip of the ale. His face contorted when he swallowed it down, scowling at the taste.

"How can people drink this stuff?" Ed spat, wiping his mouth.

"It gets better as you drink more," Darius reassured, Heinkel nodding beside him.

Ed uttered a whatever and took another sip. He heard that dark beer was much more bitter than light beer, and if that was the case, he'd be asking the bartender for one soon. He watched the clock.

They were right, though. The beer became more tolerable with every sip. It started to taste good, even.

"Edward," Darius whispered, nudging him.

He seemed almost too enthralled in his beverage to notice, but the nudge got his attention. As soon as he looked over, he noticed that Heinkel was standing up and Darius was throwing his coat on.

"We better make our leave," Heinkel uttered, motioning his eyes toward three guys in military uniforms who appeared to have just entered the bar.

"About damn time," Ed uttered back, happily leaving the barely-touched beer on the counter while Darius paid the tab.

They made their inconspicous exit from the pub. Good thing Greed noticed, but he did make sure to bring one of the girls with him.


	2. Scotch Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second drabble in the collection of drinking!fics.

The feet of the Aerugo natives (and foreigners alike) were rhythmic with the drum, dancing around the king of flames, toes stabbing into the sand. Their arms flailed, cheeks high in laughter, flushed with intoxication.

Ed watched, but he didn't see the people. His mind was off somewhere else. As he lifted his chin, he absorbed the stars that filled the dark, searching for the moon somewhere in that field of space, but the white globe was nowhere to be found.

As he lowered his head, his warm eyes merged into the bonfire's flames, giving his irises a brilliant golden hue. He turned a little to see Darius, sitting on a log diagnal from him; he was getting rather friendly with an Aerugo woman, glasses of some sort of Aerugo liquor in their hands. Ed smirked. He never knew that Mr. Gorilla had it in him.

Then there was Heinkel, sitting right next to Ed, looking just as distraught as him. He wondered what or who the lion chimera was thinking about.

Even though there was quite the crowd around this bonfire, Ed felt as if something or someone was missing. He looked over, half-expecting to see that homunculus asshole, flashing his teeth to a long-legged woman or chugging down the most obscene of drinks. Even though Greed was gone, he felt his presence often.

Edward had to admit, he missed the guy. He didn't miss him screaming in their ear at the crack of dawn, or dragging them to bars late at night, or his bossy attitude, but—...hell, he missed those things too.

The former alchemist looked down in his lap. So much has changed since then. _He_ has changed since then. Ed has matured; he has different priorites, now. True, he grew up as soon as he joined the military, but he never quite became an "adult". If his younger self would have seen him now, he would have never guessed that he'd be engaged by eighteen, or traveled without his brother. He and Al were still the thickest of blood, but they were both young men, ready to set out on different paths as individuals.

"You look thirsty, eh?"

Ed knew that accent. He barely glanced over at Fabrizio, giving him a shrug. Fabrizio's thick eyebrows rose, adjusting the cabbie cap on his head and moving swiftly to the open spot on the log beside him. He smiled and shoved a glass of liquor in Ed's line of sight. The photographer from Aerugo was always animated—something that Ed got a kick out of in the past weeks that he knew him.

Ed was going to decline, but for some reason, he decided to take it. As he took the glass from the foreigner's hand, he nodded a thanks and asked, "What is it?"

"Scotch!" the twenty-three-year-old replied with a grin.

Ed's face crumpled at the stench of the hard liquor. He's had beer before, but beer was nothing like this. As he tilted the cup, the ice clanked against the glass and the warm-colored liquid ran like butter over the rocks.

"Hm," he grunted low, taking an experimental sip. At first, the ice touched his upper lip, blocking some of the liquor, but when a drop landed on his tongue, he snarled and the lines around his mouth deepened. It tasted like shit. His throat burned, but as the sensation softened, a feeling of warmth spread to his shoulders. The drink had a nice kick to it. It made him feel... manly, and he savored that.

Fabrizio's hand came pounding down on his back, causing Ed to cough and sputter as he said, "I take it you like? Is'a _migliore_ scotch in the south border."

Ed groaned and his eyes narrowed in annoyance. He replied, sarcastically, "It's _great_."

Fabrizio started talking, rambling on and on about his home and the pride they took in the liquor brewed there. Ed only understood half of what he said, and most of it he wasn't even trying to hear. He seemed too wrapped up in his mind to keep an interest in their conversation.

Eventually, Fabrizio noticed the hallow look in his eyes and his tongue stopped moving.

"What is on your mind?" he asked Edward. One of his charcoal eyebrows lifted. He leaned in, adding, "A girl back at the home, _si_?"

Ed's face flushed a bit. He tore eye contact from Fabrizio, taking a quick drink of his scotch. His broad shoulders shivered at the sensation that he was not completely used to yet.

"Don't be stupid," he muttered, staring at the roaring fire. "I'm thinking about a lot of things."

"Not too much to notice that girl over there?" Heinkel intervened, jabbing his elbow into Ed. "She's had her eye on you all night."

Ed searched the crowd, finding just who Heinkel was referring to. She was sitting on the other side of the bonfire. The girl was probably about sixteen or seventeen, wearing an olive complexion, possibly being mixed of some sort of dark-skinned heritage and white heritage. She had straight, long hair, the darkest shade of brunette. She was bare-footed but wore hoop earrings, flowers around her neck, a white wrap around her chest, and a grass skirt. A hoop of flowers was placed as a crown atop her ebony head. Her glossy lips and frosty eyelids were a nice amount of makeup for her face and glowed against the dancing light of the fire. She was certainly exotic-looking, but Ed being Ed, he didn't pay much mind to that.

As soon as he captured eye contact with her, she ripped her gaze away, probably wondering how long she had been staring. Ed blinked hard when he saw an exact replica of the girl walk up to her. He mentally smacked some sense into himself when he came to the realization that they must have been twin sisters.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as the girl whispered to her sister, causing the other girl to glance back at him, which poked at his nerves. She then looked back at her sister and grinned wide.

When he finally had the gall to look at them, he blinked even harder at the sight of one of the twins winking at him and mouthing a flirty "hey!".

He quickly looked away, cheeks red as he gulped down a rather large portion of the scotch whiskey.

Fabrizio chuckled, speaking enthusiastically, " _Oh mio_! Heinkel is right. Ou'about you introduce yourself and I'll have her sister, eh?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Help yourself, just let me know if she slaps the shit out of you so I can take a picture."

Heinkel snickered and Fabrizio pouted in defeat.

A few glasses later, Ed was starting to feel the buzz of the alcohol. His insides were all fuzzy, his eyes half-closed, his butt now placed on the sand as he slumped back on the log, just as most of the folks around him. After a couple glasses more, he shed himself of his coat and vest, as well as his loafers, the sleeves of his undershirt rolled up to his upper arms while a few buttons up top were unbuttoned to expose part of his chest.

A firework went off, the crowd gasping in awe. Red and white sparks ignited into the sky. Ed watched it with his neck craned at an awkward angle, mouth gaping open.

His eyes sparkled and he whistled at the show.

At that, Fabrizio began to tell more stories about his home and the firework shows that he got to see as a child.

This time, Edward interrupted, "Ya know what, Fabrizio?" The blond's head dangled to the side. "...I have no idea what the fuck you're sayin'."

There was a pause... and then a few snickers. Fabrizio snorted and bellowed, his shoulders quaking with each chuckle. Edward followed in suit, both men laughing, now. Heinkel suppressed a sigh at the two.

"Speak _A-mes-tri-an_ ," said Edward, leaning toward Fabrizio.

" _A-mes-tree—_ "

"No, say it with me—"

" _Ah-mest_ —"

"No, no, you're doin' it all wrong!"

While Fabrizio was cursing in his language, half of them geared toward Ed and half of them not making any sense, a group of people started to link their hands together and spin in circles around the fire. Fabrizio hopped up, splashing his liquor everywhere as he joined the party.

Ed drifted off and began to close his eyes completely.

Suddenly, a hand was put out in front of him and a voice yelled over the music, "Dance with me!"

He opened his eyes. The girl that he saw earlier was standing before him; one of the twins (though to be honest he wasn't sure which one).

Ed made an odd expression that looked as if he was pooping. He wanted to say that he didn't dance, but his muscles weren't working properly with his brain.

The other twin ran up to him, insisting he come with them. Not giving him a chance to respond, they yanked on his arms and pulled him to his feet. They dragged him into the circle, and with glee, he started to comply.

Ten minutes later, he and the two girls went stumbling over to an open spot away from the fire, as did a few other people, dancing beneath the fireworks.

"You're cute!" one of the girls yelled into his ear, as the other one laughed her head off.

He wrapped his arms around both girls, a smug look on his face, although oblivious to the whole scene. Darius and Heinkel were surprised, while the men around them gave Edward looks of approval. There was even things said like, "Lucky bastard!"

After a while, Ed became a heavy weight, bringing him and both girls down to the blanket of sand. They all laughed... and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

One of the girls stuffed a pastry in his mouth and giggled at his reaction. He chomped it down with delight, whipped cream and strawberries smeared all over his cheeks. The twins kissed it off of his skin, but since he had his eyes closed, he imagined a dog licking his face instead.

"A'ight... I 'otta go!" he slurred, stumbling upward. The girls pouted and whimpered, grabbing onto his hands, begging for him not to go.

Luckily, Fabrizio intercepted, taking hold of both their hands and kissing their knuckles. Ed took this oppurtunity to escape, siddling away.

He landed to a spot near Darius and Heinkel, who appeared ready to leave.

"Where you guys goin'? Sit down! Sit down!" Ed grabbed a random glass and poured whiskey into it.

"You're going to feel like shit in the morning," Heinkel scolded, tone gruff as ever.

Ed ignored him, taking a swig of the drink that was much easier to put down than a few hours ago.

"Yeah, and what's up with those girls?" Darius crossed his arms. "I thought you had a fiance."

"You're just a jealous prick, you know th—... Oh, fuck!" Ed's hand went over his face. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

The men were wide-eyed, exchanging glances. "What? What is it?"

He butt fell onto the log, a look of pain crossing his countenance. "Winry!"

His eyebrows scrunched together, a hand slapping his forehead. "Do you think she'll be mad? I love 'er, maybe I should call her..."

"I wouldn't advise that, kid," Darius said, waving his arms to keep Ed from standing up. "She'll be more pissed off if you call her as wasted as you are."

"But! But, Win—"

"Let's find a place for him to crash," Heinkel said, to which Darius nodded. Scotch wasn't made for first time drinkers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awh, Ed's first time getting wasted. :'D They grow up so fast!  
> I hope this entertained you. It sure entertained me to write.  
> Happy 4th of July!


End file.
